Understanding Men

photo credit: Bourguiboeuf viaphotopin cc

Sometimes I honestly do think that men are from Mars. My theory is that some female alien species got completely fed up with them, disguised them in a pretty package, brought them to our planet then high-tailed it out of our atmosphere before the women of earth realized what was going on. Until we become advanced enough to pull the same trick on some other unsuspecting female species, we are stuck trying to communicate them.

Man-
You always have to have something to complain about. You are looking for ways to be happy. You always see the negative. You need to take negatives and turn them into positives. You would be amazed how much your life can change if you just do that.

Woman-
Her brain is desperately trying to figure this out. Am I really so negative? Is it possible that he is right? How did we get here from, can you pick up your socks?

Man-
Someone told me about a book once, they said I should read it. It is called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. I'll order it for you.

Woman-
Is he serious? He thinks I need a self-help book because I'm asking him to pick up after himself? She knows he never actually read the book

Man-
It feels like you are trying to control me. 

Woman's Thoughts-
What the hell is with men and control? The last thing I want is to control my man. I don't want to control anyone. Controlling someone is a lot of work. What I want is for him to pick up his "socks" and all the other crap he leaves laying around. I'm pretty sure that I am the one who is actually being controlled, these conversations leave me feeling brainwashed.

Brainwashed Woman-
Ok, you are right it's just small stuff let me pick up your socks, then I'll happily do the laundry and the dishes while you sit on the couch and relax. 

Man-
Thanks babe, you are the best. Would you mind getting me a beer?

Woman's Thoughts- 
Why don't I feel happy? Oh right that is resentment building up inside me. I don't want to pick up his small stuff. His small stuff is creating a whole lot of BIG stuff and I'm pretty sure one day I am going to explode. Socks are going to fly everywhere, it is going to be a huge mess. I wonder if he will help me clean it up or if he'll just walk away.

Woman- 
Do you really think I am trying to control you?

Man- 
Ah, baby why are you still thinking about that? Don't worry about it, it's no big deal. I forgot all about it. Come here and let me give you a hug.

Woman-
REALLY?

Really. I really do believe that it doesn't go past the actual talking part for a man. For a him, the second the conversations stops, it's over. Women on the other hand are still fretting and fuming 2 hours, 2 days and sometimes 2 weeks later. It drives me absolutely insane and I don't want that to be the truth of the matter, but it is. Until of course the next time he leaves his "socks" out and it starts all over again. A big ugly deja vu. It's going to end with you crying and him watching football. You know he is probably going to take off his socks and leave them on the coffee table too. Oblivious to the fact that the socks symbolize so much more.