I'm Going to Be Writing for StepMom Magazine!

I'm very excited to announce that starting in December I will be contributing articles to StepMom Magazine! StepMom Magazine is a must read for any stepmoms out there learning how to navigate their way through stepfamilyhood.

My articles will be about crafting and cooking with the kids. Perfect for me! Those are the two biggest most important things that I do with my stepkids that help us bond. The kids are excited too, they think it is way cool that their stepmom is going to be writing for a real magazine.

The biggest challenge is going to be narrowing down to one the craft and recipe to submit! December is the holiday issue so of course we are going with the holiday theme. At our house we love to decorate for the holidays and make fun foods. This is like an excuse for us to have even more fun and kick our creative up a notch!

Vote Yes for Prop 37

Do you want the right to know what is in your food? Vote Yes for Prop 37, the decision should be ours not theirs. For more information on Prop 37 and your right to know check out the Food and Water Watch. While you're there, pledge to vote yes this November.

photo credit: Nuclear Winter via photopin cc

Understanding Men

photo credit: Bourguiboeuf viaphotopin cc

Sometimes I honestly do think that men are from Mars. My theory is that some female alien species got completely fed up with them, disguised them in a pretty package, brought them to our planet then high-tailed it out of our atmosphere before the women of earth realized what was going on. Until we become advanced enough to pull the same trick on some other unsuspecting female species, we are stuck trying to communicate them.

Man-
You always have to have something to complain about. You are looking for ways to be happy. You always see the negative. You need to take negatives and turn them into positives. You would be amazed how much your life can change if you just do that.

Woman-
Her brain is desperately trying to figure this out. Am I really so negative? Is it possible that he is right? How did we get here from, can you pick up your socks?

Man-
Someone told me about a book once, they said I should read it. It is called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. I'll order it for you.

Woman-
Is he serious? He thinks I need a self-help book because I'm asking him to pick up after himself? She knows he never actually read the book

Man-
It feels like you are trying to control me. 

Woman's Thoughts-
What the hell is with men and control? The last thing I want is to control my man. I don't want to control anyone. Controlling someone is a lot of work. What I want is for him to pick up his "socks" and all the other crap he leaves laying around. I'm pretty sure that I am the one who is actually being controlled, these conversations leave me feeling brainwashed.

Brainwashed Woman-
Ok, you are right it's just small stuff let me pick up your socks, then I'll happily do the laundry and the dishes while you sit on the couch and relax. 

Man-
Thanks babe, you are the best. Would you mind getting me a beer?

Woman's Thoughts- 
Why don't I feel happy? Oh right that is resentment building up inside me. I don't want to pick up his small stuff. His small stuff is creating a whole lot of BIG stuff and I'm pretty sure one day I am going to explode. Socks are going to fly everywhere, it is going to be a huge mess. I wonder if he will help me clean it up or if he'll just walk away.

Woman- 
Do you really think I am trying to control you?

Man- 
Ah, baby why are you still thinking about that? Don't worry about it, it's no big deal. I forgot all about it. Come here and let me give you a hug.

Woman-
REALLY?

Really. I really do believe that it doesn't go past the actual talking part for a man. For a him, the second the conversations stops, it's over. Women on the other hand are still fretting and fuming 2 hours, 2 days and sometimes 2 weeks later. It drives me absolutely insane and I don't want that to be the truth of the matter, but it is. Until of course the next time he leaves his "socks" out and it starts all over again. A big ugly deja vu. It's going to end with you crying and him watching football. You know he is probably going to take off his socks and leave them on the coffee table too. Oblivious to the fact that the socks symbolize so much more.

Bonding with Step Kids

photo credit: ~PhotograTree~ via photopin cc

Bonding with step kids does not happen overnight. At the end of having known my kids for a full year now, I feel like I am still just starting the process. According to everything I have read, and our therapist agrees, blending a family takes 5-7 years. 

Parents get to bond with their children from the day they are born. The connection is innate and mutual. Children naturally feel love and affection for their parents, these are the most important people in their lives. 

I want to feel that. I am a childless stepmother, which means I don't have kids of my own. Every once in a while I get a little glimmer of what that parent/child bond feels like but for the most part, what it feels like I get, is a lot of responsibility. 

My relationship with my step children will be what I make of it. If I do nothing and offer nothing, I will likely get nothing. So I offer myself. I make sure I am available to my step kids. I listen to them even when they are just rambling on about some kid thing I know nothing about. I ask them questions about school and any activities they are involved with. I do a million mundane everyday expected things like this. 

While all of those things matter, there are three specific things I do with my step children that I know are the keys to our bonding. 

1. I do crafts with the kids.
2. I have the kids help me cook.
3. We have a special show that we watch together.

Niether of my kids' biological parents can cook or turn a bottle cap into a necklace. These are special things that the children do with me. In our house these are what I think of as "safe activities" meaning that there are no loyalty issues for the kids because I am not treading in their mother's place. I do not try to do the same things she does with the children. The last thing I want to do is create a situation that feels to them like I am competing with their mother. 

The kids watch an array of annoying kid's shows. They watch sports with their dad and who knows what with their mom. We have a special show that we watch together though, just the kids and I. Yesterday, while the four of us were huddled together under blankets on the couch, my oldest stepson said, "I like it when we watch this show together, it feels cozy". My heart melted a little and the memory still makes me feel emotional. I assure you that the show we watch together is not "cozy", he was referring to all of us and the comfortable, mutual relationship bonds we are building. 

How to Get More Followers

Growing your online audience is not as important as engaging the audience you already have. Your current audience is much more likely to attract your future audience to your site then you are. 

What that means for you is that you are going to have to spend a lot more time engaging people. You need to talk to them and more importantly, listen to what they are saying. Learning about "your" people will allow you to discover what they actually want. When you discover what they want you can much more effectively deliver it to them. 

You might have 1000 followers on twitter but are they actually your people? Only 16% of US adults are on twitter and 40% of them aren't participating. 96% of the people who "like" your Facebook page will never return to it again. If you are managing to attract people to your sites, are you then giving them any reason to stay? (Stats from the Social Media Strategy Summit in San Francisco Sept. 25-26)

Three simple beginner steps to getting more followers on your social networks are:

• Engage your audience
• Create compelling content
• Include visuals

#1 Engage Your Audience

This means actually talking to them about something they are interested in. Comment on something they say. Go check out their blog, leave a comment and then tweet the link with a shout out to them personally. Answer their questions. If they comment on something you wrote, send them a thank you. Absolutely be authentic with all your online interactions. 

DON'T 

Send messages on twitter like this- 

Thanks for following :) May I invite you to explore an incredible opportunity, it'll blow you away: http://........ 

That message sent to me resulted in immediate distrust, I did not follow the link and I responded to the the person by saying they looked like spam and unfollowing them.

#2 Create Compelling Content

Write and post about what your audience is actually interested in, not what you think they are interested in or what you want them to be interested in. Come up with a strategy for what you are going to post each week. Post some fun stuff. No one wants to see boring content filling up their news feed and home pages every day. 

#3 Include Visuals

People are visual and the Internet is a visual world. Images and videos are King when it comes to increasing your views. On Facebook it isn't worth posting without a visual attached. If your headline was good enough to actually get someone to your blog post, don't blow it by not including a relevant and compelling image. 

*There are rules to using images online. Don't go stealing other people's work. Sara Hawkins from Social Media Examiner wrote this in-depth article on the subject: Copyright, Fair use and How it Works for Online Images.

Obviously there is more to it all than just those three tips. Another tip is not to post too much. Most people, if they actually follow the link to your post, aren't likely to read past the first 2 lines. Stay tuned, I promise to post more.

Do you have questions? Leave a comment below.

Weight Loss Motivation

1 year and 15 pounds ago...

I know you are looking at that photo and every other photo on this blog thinking what the hell is this skinny girl thinking she needs to lose weight for. Well my dirty little secret is that every single photo I have posted online is at least 9 months old.

It's like my body turned 35 and just turned to me and said, "Sorry girl you are on your own from here on out". Dude body, not cool! I'm a skinny girl, I don't know how to diet or to monitor how much I am eating. I also don't know how to deal with these uncomfortable new rolls I've been developing in my torso. Muffin tops taste good but they don't feel so great with your jeans all digging up into your faux baby bump.

A skinny girl's biggest fear is getting fat. For most of us a MAJOR part of our identity has always come from the way we look. When that starts to fail us, we don't really know what to do. Confidence is very much tied to body image.

I thought maybe my weight gain was just a phase. I convinced myself it was from starting to take birth control pills again. Unfortunately my gynecologist burst my hopeful little bubble. Maybe 5 pounds, she said, but not 15.

I am starting a 90 day fitness challenge on Monday. I am scared. Not of the challenge itself but that I won't be able to motivate myself to follow through. That is why I am posting about it online. Sharing my challenge online and joining a 90 day fitness challenge program will basically make me feel obligated to stick with it.

So, hold me accountable and ask me how I'm doing with my challenge. I want that body in the picture back. Well almost, I wouldn't mind keeping some of the butt I've gained, and if I could only shift a bit  of my tummy up to my boobs...

Bonus vs Step in Blended Families

Does the Step in Stepmom and Stepchild really have a bad connotation? Frankly, I don't think it has anything to do with the actual word. If you are going to get your panties in a wad over a word that simply explains to others how your family fits together, good luck dealing with any issues that actually might affect your life.

I've been a stepmom for about a year now. Or to be completely upfront and exact, I have been in my boyfriend's, childrens' lives for almost a year. Dad's girlfriend really doesn't do justice to my position in the kids lives. I never thought much about the term stepmom. When I found myself becoming one I defined it as, at dad's house I "step" in and fill the mother role. That is not actually where the step comes from, if you want to know the actual origin you can try to dissect the definition found in the Online Etymology Dictionary.

Some stepmoms opt to use the word "bonus" instead of step. This I don't understand. In a child's life how in the world can one more parent be a bonus? Kids want to rebel and get away with all the things we tell them not to do. I'm pretty sure 3 or 4 parents instead of just 2 puts a major cramp in the ease of parental manipulation children are trying to achieve. They also now have to navigate the complicated and often negative relationships between all those parents.

I do see how the addition of another person can be a bonus, especially one who loves and cares for the child. A relationship that creates security is a bonus. An extra parent, not so much bonus there.

In my family we use the word step to help someone else see our family tree clearly. If someone calls me mom, no one jumps to correct them unless clarification is necessary. The step also helps the kids not feel like I am trying to take their mother's place. I'm not sure bonus would do the same thing.

Bonus just sounds like you are scared of the word step and the realities that come along with the fact that you are the stepmom not the mom. These are your step kids not your kids. Those can be painful facts to face. You have all the best intentions, but you are not an equal parent. You love these kids and you may be doing just as much if not more than their mom, but they don't love you the same way they love her.

You can use bonus, but the biological mom's at the soccer game are still not going to give you full mom credit. Your partner is still going to slip every once in a while and say, you don't understand because you don't have kids of your own. Your "bonus" kid is still going to going to yell, you aren't my mom when he gets mad.

Step is just a word and it happens to be the word used to describe the relationship between members of blended families. Changing the word won't change it's "connotation". I think what really needs to change is your perception of the word and perhaps your expectations of the relationships you are building.

Undergoing Some Major Changes

Hey life changes and the only thing we can do is adapt. I'm excited about the changes I'm making and I think you will be too. Bear with me while I get it all reorganized! 

Inspiring Skulls

My Stepson Made This!

I've been making leather cell phone cases for the last few weeks. My 8-year-old stepson loves skulls and was my inspiration for putting them on some of the cases I have made. He LOVES them. Every time I show him my latest skull creation, he wants to keep it.

Today he made his own! He did such a great job, I'm super proud of him. This is only his second sewing project ever. I still have to guide him every step of the way and help with the more complicated sewing but he really did most of it on his own.

He sold this one to his papa for $15. I think that is like a million dollars to a kid. He went straight to amazon to find the Deadpool action figure he has been talking about for weeks. I have no idea what that is but apparently it is REALLY COOL.

We both used upcycled designer fabric that we picked up at FabMo to make our cases. That was another exciting outing for him. I took him to FabMo for the first time last week. He loved looking at all the fabrics, he scored some awesome leather and a sample of jeans that he made into a little tote bag. He now has his own little sewing area set up in the dinning room.

I don't think he will sew forever, but I do think it is an excellent way to get his brain thinking mechanically and to improve his dexterity. I have my fingers crossed that no one will tell him that sewing is for girls. Maybe he will inspire more boys to try it when he tells them he is making money with it!

He is taking orders if you want to purchase one of his creations. Only $20 each ($15 for the iPhone case and $5 for shipping) email us at upcycledbyash@gmail.com to place an order!

My skull and his side by side

My Skull iPhone Case

Best Chicken Salad Recipe EVER

Best Chicken Salad Recipe Ever

I seriously make the best chicken salad. I love it, during the summer I make it almost every week! Everyone who tries it asks for the recipe, so here it is.

Ingredients

• 2 large boneless skinless chicken breasts. (I always get organic)
• 1/2 - 2/3 cup Mayonaise 
• 1 1/2 cups green grapes halved
• 4-5 stalks celery sliced
• 1/3 cup currants
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
• 1-2 TBS tarragon chopped
• salt and pepper to taste
• grapeseed or other cooking oil

Directions

1. Heat your oven to 350 degrees.
2. In an oven safe dish coat your chicken breast with oil, salt and pepper
3. Cook the chicken until done, about 20 mins.
4. You can cube your chicken now or wait until it cools. I often cook my chicken the day before I am going to make my salad.
5. When the chicken is cold and cubed, add the rest of the ingredients and mix it all together. 
6. Taste test and see if you need more salt, pepper or tarragon
7. Eat up! 

You can alter the recipe to your taste. I like to have a lot of celery and grapes in mine. I love tarragon and I think it is the secret to this amazing chicken salad, not everyone is a fan though. It still works if you leave the tarragon out. I have replaced it in the past with fresh oregano. 

I hope you enjoy this Chicken Salad as much as my family does!!!

Upcycled Leather iPhone Case

Upcycled Leather iPhone Case

Felt Owl Inspiration

While browsing Pinterest for inspiration last week I came across a cute little felt owl iPhone case by lovahandmade, she and a handfull of other crafters sell them on etsy. I have been brainstorming on a cell phone case for a while, and looking for a great project for the leather I have from FabMo. My household has a pretty strong latino influence, suddenly a dia de los muertos skull idea formed in my head and it was raring to get out!

I'm really happy with the results! My favorite thing about these cases is that they are 100% upcycled. The leather is from FabMo, the fabric is either from FabMo or my scrap clothing collection and the rhinestones are from figure-skating costumes. I also played with some of the funky stitching options on my sewing machine for the first time.

The black case with the little butterfly is simpler on the front than the skull but I used some super cool metallic blue snakeskin print leather on the back to make a pocket for credit cards and/or money.

I, sadly, do not have an iPhone. I was convinced by the AT&T lady that I should switch to a Droid. I do love the huge screen on the Droid but that is about it. I miss my iPhone! I tried jamming my Droid into the second case I made, but it is actually sized for an iPhone (see picture above).

You can just see the cool flower stitching I tried out on the skull case,
it's at the top in the orange lining and through to the back of the case. 

Blue Metallic Leather Pocket on the Back

Upcycled Kids Projects

Rock Ladybugs

A few weeks ago I had a table at an In Home Show. My stepkids were intrigued by what I was doing, this was their first time seeing me get everything together to go sell. I told them that if they wanted to paint some rocks, I would take them to the next show I am in and sell their creations for them. Well, the idea kept growing. The kids have now decided that they would like to make more than just painted rocks. They want to start their own online upcycled craft business. We now have the neighbor kids involved too! I think this is a fantastic opportunity for the children to learn about money and business.

Full Set of Rock Dominos

They are in the process of brainstorming, trying out products and coming up with a name for their business. I am in the process of letting go and not telling them what to do, how to do it or what to name the business. That is not easy for me! Right now I think they are planning to go with the name 8th Ave Kids (yes, I influenced that heavily).

Baseball Card Wallet

One of the biggest challenges for them is not keeping everything they make. I'm not sure we have actually managed to make any items for the business yet. This isn't so bad, quite honestly they could use a little practice before they make for sale versions of their crafts. We are getting really good at the baseball card wallets now. The first "prototypes" were not quite up to par.

Bottle Cap Necklace

When we meet our next door neighbors we asked the 10 year old what she was planning to do with the huge collection of bottle caps she had. She wasn't sure. We went on Pinterest and found a bunch of cool ideas, now both houses are collecting bottle caps for necklaces, bracelets and magnets.

Water Bottle Bracelet

Over the weekend we went to visit my parents in Redding, CA. I bought Smart Water for the car ride. I like that it has electrolytes in it. Redding is hot and dry, we needed to be well hydrated. The kids' dad doesn't quite understand my logic. All he can see is "really expensive water". Yesterday I was finishing off the last bottle when inspiration struck, we can make this "really expensive water" pay for itself! Armed with scissors and yarn the kids and I went to work.

I love seeing the kids get excited about upcycling and having their own business. They are always coming up to me with another crazy thought about what they can make. We are also working on a lego man necklace and comic book coasters. So far they have remained focused on the whole idea and motivated to make their items. Yesterday the oldest (9) told me he was going to eat breakfast and then head to the office, and he did.

Stay tuned for more on the kids products and the opening of their 8th Ave store!